Sunday, November 3, 2013

New Post: "When My Choices Hurt- Myself, God, and Others"

My independence is important to me.
It allows me to make decisions freely,
without consulting others first.
And it may be the greatest sin I personally know.

Sure, I have other “evil”  desires at war within me,
and each can combine to make a powerful mixture.

When I was in my car-accident,
my decisions were fueled by my anger and drunkenness.
Anger can strike at any time,
as can my desire to overindulge in alcohol, food, or sex.
Sometimes I want to “buy” things…
they can be both minor or major expenditures,
for whatever I “see” and can reasonably justify to purchase.
But I can also withdraw and sulk.
In this “sullen” state, I am not fun to be around,
and I can come across as “passive-aggressive”.
Add to all of this a constant physical condition,
which leaves me tired and lacking oxygen,
and we end up with a recipe for combustion.

I say “we” because none of these affects me alone.
My independence can seem like a “one-to-one” issue,
where my decisions only have a result for my future,
but we all know this isnt true.

Each of us make decisions
which can affect everyone around us.
The choice to be grumpy or sad
has a very different result
than choosing to find joy internally
and to share grace in our daily lives.
Free-will may seem like the greatest gift God has ever given us,
but truly I think it was Satan who introduced it to us,
and we have been paying for it ever since.

This “choice” becomes a ‘prison’ of its own,
where every thought I have has one, single commonality:
and that’s - ME.

When I first make my choices about my own desires,
then I leave out any considerations of other’s well-being.

And there-in lies perhaps the greatest sin of all,
making life all about - ME:
Its MY decision
Its MY opinion
It MY worth
Its MY money
Its MY food
Its MY time
Its MY story
Its MY life
and its all MY lie.

When I try to make my life all about ME,
then everyone loses.
I dont connect more with others.
I dont give to those in need.
I dont seek God.
I simply give in to whatever I can think up,
and the result is an impulsive over-indulgence of “self-love”,
which can never be sustained because my brain is too small,
then at some time I will get bored trying to “please” myself.

I can only feel truly alive when I am seeking God more,
and learning how to share His love with others in this world.

Its now my “time to share” with others,
or my “money to share”,
or my “desire to love others more than myself”,
each which allow me to feel more AlIvE!!!
Because I can connect with God, people,
and a greater purpose than I can find alone,
then my life has more meaning.

The greatest sin may not be anger or jealousy,
nor stealing, or even murder,
but at the root of them all
is the desire to get what we want
at any cost or price
to the world and those around us
or even - our own future.

When I say ”I am not getting what I want”,
it justifies my anger, my drinking, 
my actions, my choices,
and my hurtful words.
But when I remind myself that this life is not all about ME
then I can put into perspective the moment
and any temporary discomfort
because it may be for the greatest good of those I love!

And I thank God that He has not left me alone in this,
but has sent His Holy Spirit
to live with and guide me.

Will you seek and listen to Him in your own life?
Your joy more increase,
but only if you seek others best before your own!

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