Saturday, January 30, 2016

New Post: "Fighting Shame and Self-Defeat"

Fighting Shame and Self-Defeat

When you have failed, 
what do you do next?

Many of us add to the pain of the moment,
by using harsh, negative words to describe ourselves, 
then continue with self-sabotage,
which is meant as a form of self-punishment.

When does it end - this pattern of Self-Defeat?

Do you expect a 'lighting-bolt moment' to arrive and change you forever?

I think this is what many of us hope for:

  • that some unknown person will come and enter our lives to help save us from ourselves,
  • or an "A-ha!" moment occurs when our minds somehow miraculously improve and we see everything with new clarity,
  • but perhaps we are awaiting a better purpose for ourselves that gives new meaning to our existence.
The sad reality is this: 
if things dont change,
then we will continue-on in the same "Self-Defeating" patterns,
and the only hope becomes an end to our miserable existence.

Too many of us have lost faith in the belief that life can get better.
We have made too many mistakes,
and we dont know how to quit repeating old behaviors.

Here is where we start, with Surrender!
We Surrender the right to condemn ourselves, verbally or in any other ways.
That means no self-punishment for you mistakes or failures!
And when someone else offers to insult or criticize you...
the give yourself permission to ignore them.
For the truth is- if they are their to encourage you,
then chances are they may only bring you down further.

Surrender - shame.
Surrender - guilt.
Surrender - negative self-talk.
Surrender - the people who wont help your life improve.

Then ask the question: "Where do I improve my life?"
The Surrender the right to have all the answers.
Surrender blame for your future mistakes,
because you dont know yet how to improve.

Give yourself permission to fail and learn.
Surrender the idea that you must be perfect.
and Surrender the idea that anyone else 
should try and make you feel guilt for being less than perfect.

Surrender the idea that you must do things on  your own.
Find a place where people are willing..
are truly accepting & loving of you and your circumstances.

I find the best place for this is in the Church, 
where Jesus preaches kindness, mercy, and love.
Then Surrender the idea that anyone there must be perfect.
For a true church will be filled with broken people,
and in their moments of hurting - their beauty is recognized,
because they reach out to one another,
to come alongside in the painful moments,
to provide comfort, perhaps healing,
and to let you know you are not alone!

And in the moments when you dont have people with you,
to help in the times when shameful memories return,
find someone else to help.
Give - of yourself for others.

It is in these moments,
when I move past my comfort to help someone else,
that God allows me to sense the beauty of His creation.
Dont do it in the desire for healing yourself,
for that which you chase after will elude you.
Instead, give of yourself for "their" benefit,
especially when you dont want to.
And after this you will be surprised to find,
peace, healing, comfort, and joy for yourself.

You will never be perfect - and their is no shame in that.
Surrender the idea you must be perfect.

To use a higher standard for measuring myself, I turn to God;
and He used many broken people to accomplish His will,
in spite of their shame and guilt.

Shame uses our guilt to wreck our future.
You may be guilty of mistakes, but that doesnt make you a mistake forever!
Shame is the enemy for finding your future purpose.
If shame is an enemy, once you surrender - how do you fight it?

You give of yourself to others, and then...
You find one thing to Commit to working on.

To Surrender one-self, 
to Commit one-self,
to Give of one-self,
This are words we avoid,
because they mean doing whats difficult now
for an uncertain reward later.

So before you disregard my instruction, let me ask you this...

Will your life get better on its own?
Are you waiting on a "lightning-bolt moment" for it to improve?
Are you letting go and sliding downward until life ends?
Or-
could life get better by trying whats difficult?


Surrender. Commit. Give.

I doubt your life of self-defeating behaviors 
will get worse if you change attempt whats written here.


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